Friday The 13th.

So today was friday the 13th. It was suppose to be an unlucky day, but, i guess you can say that urh. So it was my anniversary today. My first one. Well, it was the same as the rest of it. But, to me, every 13th is special.
Well, so i went to MacRitchie to meet my boyf. and then, we ate dinner and went to Toa Payoh. Anyways, my friend. Well, he finally got a girlfriend. I really cannot believe it. I am still in shock.

Racism.

Okay, i don't like people judging other people based on your skin color.
in Singapore, people look down on the construction workers because their from China and India. So what if their smelly ? Yeah, so what ? But, they contributed to singapore by building shelter for you all right ? If not for them, we wouldn't have what we have now. And, we should count ourselves lucky. You know why ? Because, the workers live in houses which are infested with bugs, etc. But us leh ? To them, we're living in luxury. They come into singapore for work. To send their pays to their families at home, so that their families could survive. We shouldn't look down on them because of their social status or skin color. Recently, on STOMP, someone reported that the indian workers were taking pictures of girls sun tanning in the sun. And people, complained how dirty minded they were. Well, actually, their not at fault. They just wanted to be free from all the construction work. You know how tiring it is to do construction work ? The ladies look like they don't give a fuck. They just laid there.  They didn't move into another location. So why are you blaming the Indians ? Come on, basically, your judging based on their skin color. Actually, whether black or white, we're all the same. And we should be treated equally, not differently. So, don't judge people, especially construction workers by their skin color.

I miss you.

I'm sorry for all the stuff, i did, that almost broke our relationship apart. The lies i told, crushing on a guy. My jealousy, everything. Maybe, the problems are all my fault. I don't know why we're still together. But, i have a very strong feeling, we're mean't to last forever.
But, i guess. I'm changing. Because, i noticed that, i have become angry/irritated for no reason. Keeping quiet for no reasons. I guess, i'm releasing all the kept emotions inside of me. All the anger, pain, etc. Just now, i hung up while he was talking. Well, i feel kind of bad. Because he was saying " I love you " and i hung up. Actually, i didn't really do it purposely. I was kind of irritated at that time. Haish. I don't urh. But, by now he's sleeping. Yeah Kbye.

Iloveyou
xoxoxo

Jealousy Kills.

I hate it whenever i get jealous. It will eventually cause a problem.
Like, yesterday. I got heartbroken. Again. I shouldn't have seen his message. I shouldn't have been a busybody, and see his messages. If i didn't see it. None of this would happen. But, the thing that hurt me the most is that, he lied to me. Saying that message was actually, a teacher sent that message. Saying all those bullshit lies. He promised, not to lie to me. He was the one who sent it. At that time, i kept everything to myself, the feelings of hurt, confusion and heartbreak. All i wanted to do was cry. But, i didn't i don't know why. But, i didn't.
He said, "At least better than crushing on a guy" he meant me crushing on this guy when he was away. At least, i didn't lied. I just kept it to myself. Because, that time, when he found out. I didn't like him anymore. I didn't make up a story that was obvious that was a lie to cover up the truth.
Please don't lie to me, again.

Mirror.

                                                Uh, With everything happening todayYou don't know whether you're coming or goingBut you think that you're on your waylife lined up on the mirror, don't blow it (Whoo!)Look at me when I'm talking to youYou lookin' at me, but I'm lookin' through youI see the blood in your eyesI see the love in disguiseI see the pain hidden in your prideI see you're not satisfiedAnd I don't see nobody elseI see myselfI'm lookin' at the

Chorus - Bruno Mars:Mirror on the wallHere we are again (yeah)Through my rise and fall (uh)You've been my only friend (yeah)You told me that they canunderstand the man I amSo why are we hereTalking to each other again?

I see the truth in your liesI see nobody by your sideBut I'm with you when you're all aloneAnd you correct me when I'm lookin' wrongI see the guilt beneath the shameI see your soul through your windowpaneI see the scars that remainI see WayneI'm looking at the

Chorus - Bruno Mars:Mirror on the wallHere we are again (yeah)Through my rise and fall (uh-huh)You've been my only friend (my only friend)You told me that they canunderstand the man I am (they can understand)So why are we here (misunderstood)Talking to each other again?

Looking at me now, I can see my pastDamn, I look just like my fuckin' DadLight it up, that's smoke and mirrorsI even look good in a broken mirrorI see my Mama's smile, that's a blessingI see the change; I see the messageAnd no message coulda been any clearerSo I'm starting with the man in the

Chorus - Bruno Mars:Mirror on the wall (MJ taught me that)Here we are againThrough my rise and fall (uh)You've been my only friend (take 'em to Mars, man)You told me that they canunderstand the man I amSo why are weTalking to each other again?

Mirror on the wallHere we are again (yeah)Through my rise and fallYou've been my only friend (any questions)You told me that they can (I come to you)understand the man I am (you always have the answer)So why are we hereTalking to each other again?Mirror on the wall (Hey BP, looks like I did take 'em to Mars this time)So why are we talking to each other again?

The Things Inside Me.

I believe every girl's jealousy scale is different. Well, maybe for me. My jealous is around the highest level. I get jealous whenever he mentions his ex girlfriends names. Or his friends mention about his past. Also, i hated it whenever he disturbs girls. And then, lock me out. It's hurting. It really is. Since yesterday, i've been helding back tears. Till now. I want to cry so badly. But, i want someone's shoulder to cry on. I want your shoulder. Whenever i look at someone, i hope they see my pain, the tears. But, they don't some even make it worse. For months, when we started going steady, i've been trying to get rid of my jealousy. But, it always come back. No matter what. We've been fighting lately, haish. Every fight, makes me weaker. Makes my heart fragile. I always, wanted to settle this by having a fucking talk. But, when i find the right time, something came up. And we didn't do it. All i want is a long hug. A hug which is sincere. A hug which says i'm always here. A hug from you.
 I see the truth in your lies
I see nobody by your side
but I’m with you when you re all alone
And you correct me when Im lookin wrong
I see that guilt beneath the shame
I see your soul through your window pain
I see the scars that remain

baby, i love you. I love you no matter what. You're perfect for me. I don't how to explain. But, i know. That your perfect for me.

The end of the first day.

Well, today was tiring ! Well, when i reached school , i arrived there very early. Like EARLY. And i made fum of the sec one girls that their skirts were long like hell. Then, i was the first to seat down. And there was this china girl sitting behind me. And she didn't seat properly. And i actually say her *AHEM AHEM* i was like OMFG. And she was really that blur, because she from china what. Whatdoyouexpect ? And she's new in bendemeer. And after flag raising cermony, The Sec2/3/4/5 went to the hall. And i tell you it was SIAN TTM. We had a total of 2 LONGGGG talks. But, not like the Sec 4 and 5s they had 2 more to go. Count us lucky. Okay, so after that, we went back to class and did our intro to the new students. But, most of our classmates know each other very well. Yeah. And after that, we had history with our fast talking teacher. He talked fast. Like fast. And after that was torture. We had 4 period of the SAME teacher. And i tell you, i fell asleep during that time. My head was like bobbing away. And so did the some of the classmates. Haish, i hate school .

My first day of Sec 2

Well, today is going to be my first day of secondary two. Well, I'm actually still in the holiday mood. And my body clock is like scewed up. Because i have to wake a up sooooooo early just to bathe and and all that. Well, it sucks to be in sec two because i need to go for streaming, which means whether or not i would be going to 3NA or 3E next year. Well, i hope i go into 3E next year. I don't want to drop, because i need to stay for 3/2 more years. Anyways, my PE teacher is Tan Bac Cheng (TBC) aghhh, i really don't like his face. It's like a fricking monkey. And, i got this bitchy girl coming into our class. Confirm very...guai one. She's from 1N1 and now she's going into 2E3, my class. And also, there's would also be 2 more indians coming. I think i know who. Actually, i met with them before and also talk to them. They like to talk alot and also step smart. No offence but, i don't like people to show off their smart. I mean like, come on. We know your smart. Don't need to rub it into our faces. And we have already one person in my class doing that job. We don't need a few more people to rub it in too.
Gosh, and also, today i'm going to see all the blur blur secondary ones. Maybe they would be like me when i was secondary one ;  Blur. Like, get lost somewhere in school and end up going for the wrong classes. But, i didn't do that. Just saying. When i reach school, there's going to be a LONG talk by the principal just for the Sec Ones. Welcoming into our school. Actually, i just don't care about them at all. But, when i say long, i really mean long. And after that, we have our fucking annoying attire checks. Where they would be checking our hair and socks, skirts/pants. Basically, EVERYTHING. And, confirm i'm going to get into trouble because of ; My Fringe ( Touching my eye ? ), My Skirt ( Always to short of school standards ) and my socks ( Too Short ) I mean like, why does it fucking matter ? It's our attire, it really just a waste of time. Okay, so i'm off now. Kbye.
xoxo

Forgive and forget

It's just me.

Say everything you want. All those words that hurt me. I guess, i should absorb it in. The Inside me, i'm just a girl with a fragile heart. A heart, that has been played, broken, and cheated on. Those happy eyes are actually, sad eyes badly wanted to be loved, to be accepted for who i am. To be noticed. Those smiles are fake. Thanks to all those saddness that happy to me. You just gossip about me till there's no tomorrow. I guess, you have no heart. You're just thinking about yourself. Not, thinking about other people's feelings. How sad they would be. How hurt they would be. You guys are just plain mean. Thinking about you self. Not others too. Don't you know people out there, needs to be loved so badly ? You don't. You know why ? Because you only think about yourself. You keep on complaining about the littlest things, not knowing that people out there are far worse than you. Are living in complete hell. Count yourself lucky that you have a home, have a family and friends that loves you. have food to eat and have good health. Will in other parts of the world. People don't have what you have. You're just taking everything for granted.  

First Day of Sec 2

My Schedule.
5am- Wake Up
5:05am- Bathe
5:20am-Change to Uni
5-30am Fix hair
5:45am- Quickly pack school bag
6am- Slack
6:30am-Go bus stop
7:00++am: Reach Sch Bus stop
7:05am- Meet Boyf
7:20-Reach School
8am-1pm ?- School
2pm-8pm- Boyf house<3
9pm- Home
11pm-Sleep?

My life so far.

Hai ^^ okay. This past few days has been crazy. I had a crush on this guy who only treats me like his close friend. Heeh, i wasn't cheating, i was only crushing. It was only for a few days. And, he know ( i hope ) that i only love him. And only him. Okay, so he found out. Through twitter. He was like heartbroken urh. He then told 2 ppl. And he then he put it through his status. I mean like, he shouldn't have. No offence, but...he should have thought about it. And, i repeat, i wasn't cheating. Me and him didn't kiss or anything. he has no feelings for me. I was just crushing. Okay, it was still wrong. But, i didn't leave him. Haish, so it became a big fight. Almost losing him again. He asked me for break, i just said " Go ahead, if you want, then so be it lorh " but deep inside me i didnt want to our r/s to end. But, in the end like aft a hour of crying. We were okay. Actually, we didn't break. I still love him▲

Missing Him

It would have been 3 years come March 6, that I began dating the love of my life. I was 17,and so was he. Things moved really fast between us. We had moved in together 3 months into our relationship. Life together was different but fun. September past, he moved to begin an aprentise program for mechanic, I decided to stay which did not last long, I missed hime to much, shortly after I moved with him. A little over a month ago, we broke up for good, playing house is not easy, in fact very hard at our age. I moved home, now feeling like it was the worst mistake of my life. He met other people and so did I, the difference is all I wanted was him. I could not spend much time with other guys for I always find myself comparing them to him, if I keep doing that I will never find anyone who is good enough for me!! I love him with all my heart and soul, I miss him deeply, I still believe that there is a chance for us so I will not give up. Like they say Stranger things have happened! This is for every girl or guy who is still in love but feels that the love has died. There is always a second chance, if you truly love, don't give up!

The BreakUp

Boy: Baby, we need to talk.

Girl: Ricardo, what do u mean?

Boy: Something has come up...

Girl: What? What's wrong? Is it bad?

Boy: I don't want to hurt you, baby.

Girl: *Thinks* Oh my God, I hope he doesnt break up with me... I love him so much.

Boy: Baby, are you there??

Girl: Yeah, I'm here. What is so important??

Boy: I'm not sure if I should say it..

Girl: Well, you already brought it up, so please just tell me.

Boy: I'm leaving...

Girl: Baby, what are u talking about?? I don't want you to leave me, I love you.

Boy: Not like that, I mean I'm moving far away.

Girl: Why? All of your famliy lives over here.

Boy: Well, my father is sending me away to a boarding school far away.

Girl: I can't believe this.

[FATHER: (Picks up the other phone, interrupts & yells furiously

ERICA!, what did I tell you about talking to boys?!!!... Get off the

damn phone!! (And hangs up).]

Boy: Wow, your father sounds really mad.

Girl: You know how he gets, but anyways, I dont want you to go.

Boy: Would you run away with me?

Girl: Baby, you know I would, I would do anything for you, but I

can't... You don't know what would happen if I did. My dad would kill me!

Boy: *Sad* It's okay.. I understand, I guess..

Girl: *Thinking*I can't believe what's going on.

Boy: I need to give you something tonite, because I am leaving on

flight 1-80 in the morning, so I need to see you now.

Girl: Okay, I will sneak out & meet you at the park.

Boy: Okay, I'll meet you there in 20 minutes.

[They meet at a nearby park, they both hug eachother. And he gives

her a note.]

Boy: Here you go, this is for you. I gotta go.

Girl: *Tear* (Begins to cry.)

Boy: Baby, dont cry, you know I love you... But I have to go.

Girl: Okay (Begins to walk away.)

[They both go back home. And Erica begins to read the letter he gave her]

It says...

"Erica,

You probably already know that I'm leaving, I knew this would be better if I wrote a letter explaining the truth about how much I care about you. The truth is, is that I never loved you, I hated you so much, you are my bitch and dont you ever forget that. I never cared about you, and never wanted to talk to you, and be around you. You really have no clue how much I hate you. Now that I'm leaving I thought you should know that I hate you, bitch. You never did the right thing, and you were never there. I didnt think I could hate someone as much as I hate you. And I never want to see you, for the rest of my life, I will never miss kissing you like before, I never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and that's a promise. You never had my love, and I want you to remember that. Bitch, you keep this letter because this may be the last thing you have from me. Fuck, I hate you so much. I will not talk to you soon bitch... Goodbye.

- Ricardo"

[ Erica begins to cry, she throws the paper in tha garbage & crys for hours ]

... A day passes, she is sad, depressed and she feels so lonely... Then she gets a phone call....

Friend: How are you feeling?

Girl: I just cant believe this happened.. I thought he loved me.

Friend: Oh, about that. Ricardo left me a message. A few days ago. He told me to tell you to look in your jacket pocket or something...

Girl: Umm.. okay.

[She finds a piece of paper in the jacket,

It says:

"Baby I hope you find this before you read my letter. I knew your dad might read it, so I switched a few words...

Hate = Love

Never = Always

Bitch = Baby

Will not= will

.... I hope you didn't take that seriously because I love you with all my heart, and it was so hard to let you go thats why I wanted you to run away with me... -Ricardo"]

Girl: Oh my God! It's a letter.. Ricardo does love me!!, he must of slipped it into my pocket when he hugged me. I can't believe how stupid I am!!

Friend: lol Okay but I g2g... Call me later.

Girl: *happy*okay, bye, I'll be at home waiting for my baby to call me!

... Erica turns the T.V. on......

[Breaking news] "An airplane has crashed. Over 47 young boys died, we are still searching for survivors... This is a tragedy we will never forget, this plane was flight 1-80... it was on its way to an all boys boarding school..." the Reporter says.

[ She turns off the t.v. ... 3 days later, she kills herself, because of the fact that Ricardo was dead & she had nothing to live for... ]

... A day after that the phone rings. Nobody answers. It was Ricardo, he called to leave a message. "Its Ricardo, I guess you're not home so, I called to let you know that I'm alive, I missed my flight because I had to see you one last time. So, I hope your not worried. I am staying for good.

While you were gone.

Well, i miss your lips on mine. Those warm soft lips. I missed hugging you whenever i feel like it. I missed all those " Choocheepoo" and "bhygirls" I missed being with you. But, right now, you're overseas. All i can do is fb chat with you. But, the thing is that, whenever your online, the next minute later, you have to go ofline. I mean can't you stay abit longer ? I've missed you so much. Whenever you go offline, i would cry. Yeah, i miss you baby. Come back soon okay ?

Iloveyou.

Please Don't Lie To Me Again

This touching sad short love story is amazing. Sometimes we lie to the ones we love because we are afraid to tell people of our feelings for them. How often has this happened to you? Well, read this touching sad short love story and perhaps you might find the courage to let people know of your feelings.
Tenchi looked at the face of a girl whom he had been with for a long time. She was his childhood friend. She was lying on the hospital bed, unconcious. As Tenchi looked at her, love and sadness can be seen in his eyes. Worried that something bad might happen to her. "Yuki, please wake up." the words that he kept repeating in his mind, over and over again.
"Hey cheer up now. What's the matter?" A young boy wearing a blue baseball cap told his friend, looking at her, who was crying. "I'm fine." A little girl gave the same boy a fake smile. "Ahh, something's wrong, I knew it. Yuki tell me." He insisted. But the little girl just gave him a smile, "nothing."
A girl waited under a waiting shed, it was raining too hard. Everything was dark. "Yuki!" The girl heard her name. Left, right, it was her friend, Tenchi. The boy hurried to see her, he ran to the waiting shed quickly, with his uniform, dripping wet. But as soon as he got there, acted as if she didn't even hear his voice, nor knew him for who he was. "We need to talk..." He said trying to catch some air. "I thought I told you to leave me alonE!" The girl shouted as she turned her back at him. "Yuki, I can't do that!" Tenchi answered. Yuki started walking away, she had her clothes wet by the time she set her feet out of the waiting shed.
"Hey, listen ok. Look I know that I made the wrong choice about telling you that I...love you....but...please, cant we just...have what we had before? FRIENDSHIP!?" Tenchi continued. Yuki stopped walking, "Look!" she turned around and faced him, "All I ask is for you to leave me alone! I'm sick and tired of this game. It can't be. You can't love a girl like me." She yelled, tears came falling from her eyes. Tenchi made his way to his friend and threw his arms around her, "I just love you!...Why can't we be together?" He was crying. "LET GO!" Yuki pushed him, and Tenchi felt pain on his right cheek, she slapped him. "Can't you understand me? I don't like the way you treat me anymore, I'm not special. You just can't love me as someone else? I hate you!" Her voice was beginning to break up, she was crying real hard, but the rain could cover it. Yuki turned her back at Tenchi and ran away.
Tenchi wanted to go after her but all he could do was watch her as she goes farther and farther. As Yuki reached the sidewalk near her house, she felt pain on her left chest, her heart was aching. She couldn't breath. She placed her hand just at the place of her heart and tried to massage her chest, "It's ok, Nikk. You can do it...just a few steps and...Ughr" She took a deep breath and started walking again, slowly, but her knees felt weak, she can't move anymore and that caused her to fall on the ground. Her sister got out the house eventually and helped her to stand up.

Tenchi took a deep breath and made his way to the wash room to wash the vase. There was silence. Even his loud breathing could be heard...As Tenchi went out the room, he went to the table near Yuki's bed and took the boquet of roses. "Tenchi," He heard a soft voice calling him. Tenchi turned to his right and found Yuki, awake. "Tenchi, What are u doin here?." she said. Her voice was softer than before. Her friend smiled, "I...came here to...see you.." He replied. "Tenchi...I..." She felt so much pain on her chest again.

My new baby cousin

AHHHH ! I finally saw my baby cousin today. She's fucking cute ! She has big innocent eyes, she's chubby and CUTE. She's like the cutest baby i've seen !

Today, i fell in love all over again.

I suddenly have the feeling that i'm in love again. But, it's stronger.
I have a feeling that, there's going to be alot more less problems. No more crying, no more almost breaking up. No more fighting. But i don't know. It's just a feeling. But, i keep thinking that it's true.
But, no matter what happens. I would never break up with you. Even though, there were times i wanted to break up, give up on you. I didn't. I hope you know..how much i love you. How much you mean to me. But, i guess it takes two hand to clap. Basically, if i want a heart to heart talk with him, he gotta agree. No Anythings no up to me. He has to make the decision too.

#NoAnythingNoUpToMe.

Okay, i tried.

I thought that having a heart to heart talk with him, would actually, work. Making our relationship better. Honestly, i thought that everything would be settled. But, not actually. Haish, it's like honestly. He wasn't trying. I asked him, then he said anything. ANYTHING. Haish, no offense, but. Anything ? I don't make the decisions for you. And, you said, my answer would just make me angry -.- but at least it's better than ANYTHING right ?
Anyways, we talked. For only a few minutes. We talked about fighting over small things. About, that time when we fought because of his game -.- yes, i don't understand, because i'm a fucking girl, and i SUCK at video games. I SUCK AT EVERYTHING. But, we almost broke up because of that. Anyway, we continued, i wanted to say more, but, it's going to make everything worse. So i just kept quiet. I didn't want to argue anymore. I really gotten tired of fighting over the smallest things. We fought about ; taking an off day during work, just because he's lazy to report for work. Xbox game. Me not wanting to go to his cousin birthday party. A fucking test (idw give ans)  Anything under the blue. I mean like honestly, doesn't he think it's time to say what's on our minds. Still can answer anything ? Haish, if only he said yes or no -.-
I wanted to say more things. But, the way he acted, it's like he wasn't interested with the talk. I still remember last time, when we had the talk it was like we settled everything. And, it was different. Then, i just stopped. The talk didn't do anything. I'm really trying the best i can to make our relationship better. Honestly, i'm trying the hardest i can. But, it just ends up me crying almost every night. Because, in the end, trying to make everything better, we would just fight.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of fighting. Sometimes i just want to give up. I just want to die.

I'm sick and tired of crying.

Heeh.

I knew this was going to happen soon.
My heart would ache sooner or later because of all this.
I really wish that we could really just stop fighting. Especially over small things. But, my heart is literally aching.
I don't want tears anymore. I don't walking away.
I want us to be happy.

):

Today, was fucked up. 

It was all because of your cousin birthday party and because of my need of sleep we fought. 

Basically, i was planning to spend my Saturday sleeping. Because, of my lack of sleep. But, got his cousin birthday party. I really don't want to go. But, he kept forcing me. Even if he's not trying. He would just force me. Which made me kept changing my mind. He said i was selfish. Because, i didn't want to go because i need my sleep. Honestly, i need my sleep. My sleep is not enough. Because of work. Then, because, of one fucking small thing, we fought. I mean like honestly ? We shouldn't fight for one fucking small thing. I got angry, because, of this. I was tired of fighting over fucking small things. Honestly, i almost gave up. But i didn't. I didn't want to. By then, i was already fucking pissed. Because, of this. I was literary fucking sick of fighting. Over small things. And when i said, i would go. Because, that's the only thing that settles everything. But, he said nevermind, forget i asked. I wanted to just shout " I SAID I'M GOING WITH YOU BUT YOU DON'T WANT ?! WTF ?! " but i just stormed of instead. I was really fucking pissed. The point where i  wanted to kill someone.

This morning we also fought. I was sunddenly moody. But actually, i wasn't. I was actually angry that you just ignore otp earlier. I cooling off. Then, you said i was moody, i didn't talk to you. But, honestly, i tried to...make a convo. But, i tried, but in the end, It failed. I tapped you, you gave me the " What Lah -.- "  face. And i didn't bother making a convo. 

#RandomShytzxc

[: Fake Smile
^^ Act Cute
:B Cheeky
/: Fucking sad/ sad
(: Smile !

My random smiles :B

I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding

All those times you made me angry. 

All those times when you made cry like hell. 

All those times when you broke my heart.

All those times when you nearly broke up with me. 

All those times when you made jealous. 

All those times when you ignored me. 

Heeh, no matter what you did, i would still love you.

A Thousand Years

Call me old fashion.

I like long hand written love letters. It's nice and sweet. Heeh, that was last time. You would write sweet letters. You said " i wrote this because, i want to express how much i love you everyday. " But now, you don't. Honestly, i miss those times. But those times changed. Haish, yes, it did. Now, it's like instead of those love letters or long sweet SMSes, it's heart breaking SMSes.
 I shouldn't have...i know. I'm abit bossy. But i'm changing, for you. And, i'm trying to bring the old times back. Like, we would always talk on the phone 24/7 but now, we just keep quiet. And when i try to have a convo, you won't be interested, or didn't hear anything at all. Honestly, I'm trying to make the old times come back. Maybe you don't realize it. But, i'm doing my best. Yesterday, i wanted to write a letter to you. But, i guess you might think i'm being...i don't know. Heeh. But instead, i just wrote here, in my blog. I asked you to see it, and you didn't say anything.
[:

Hai.

Dear BhyBoii.

I miss those long love SMSes that you would send me. I also miss those love letters that you would send me, it's cute and sweet. Even the random notes. I miss the times that we would always be happy, no fights no almost-breaking-up no tears no heartbreaks no almost-breaking-up SMSes. I want those times back. I'm sorry, about all those time i made you sad. When you cried like fuck. I'm sorry for making you cry, i really am. I'm sorry i can't be there for you when you cry like fuck. I really wished i was. I would hug you ever so tightly, and just saying ( trying not to cry ) " Bhy, it's alright. I'm here. And i'm not going anywhere. " I'm sorry, for those fights we had. I know, i can really be a bitch sometimes. But, you should know, how i'm like. I'm sorry for being a fucking jealous girlf. But i'm like this because, i love too much, and i don't want you to leave me. Bhy, i can't make this jealousy go away. I can't, it will always come back. But, thanks for accepting it. I'm sorry for accusing you of wrong stuffs and blaming you. Sometimes i can be abit, you know. Sometimes, i don't like it when you talk about other girls to me. Honestly, i don' care. But, i'm just listening. I would never ever leave you. I can' bear the pain. Honestly, i can't if you would leave me. Bu you're not going to leave me are you ? I don't know. Remember the ring ? Remember the words you said to me ? In a few years time, we would get married ? I hope you remembered. Because i did. I will never forget that. And thanks for being there for me. All the ups and downs. Even though, when you said that you're no there for me, sometimes, you're always here for me. Always. You do know that, no matter, your always there for me, even when you don't try. You said that, i only know 80% about there. I'm sorry, i known you so well. And i was thinking that i still know you 100% but, no matter what, i'm going to understand you better 110% I'm sorry that i keep my feelings bottled up. I mean like, before i knew you. I would always keep my feelings bottled up. I kept thinking that no one actually cares. But when i met you, i told you most of my feelings. And i even told you my deepest darkest secret. And you still accepted me. I even know your secrets, but i still accepted you. Because i know, you wouldn't do it again. Bhy, i would never walk away from you. Never. I hope you won't too. I just love you that much. I would cherish this r/s and your the only guy that i ever truly love. No one else. No one can replace you in heart. You replaced someone in my heart. And that guy was a fucking heartless bastard. 

Love you forever,

Bhygirl.

I did something stupid yesterday.

Yesterday i was so pissed off at him yesterday. When he smsed me that " to him, i'm nothing " I totally lost it. I was actually on the way home. I was going to the bus stop.Then i saw that message. I got angry. At the same time, i wanted to break down. So instead of going home. I just walked, i smsed my other friend that i'm just walking. Then he got worried, at that time, i don't know how HE was feeling. At that time, i was thinking of running away. I wanted to. But when HE smsed me to go home or i was no longer his, basically his threating to break up. I didn't want to risk it. So instead, i just waited for my bus at the nearest bus stop. Then, my friend called me. He asked if i was i was going home. And i said, yes, i am. He didn't believe me. Then i proved him that i was in the bus. Then i hanged up. I sat at the back. And beside me was this couple. So loving. Then a couple of malay guys sat beside me. I was already starting to cry. Tears kept streaming down my face. I really couldn't just stop it. I then recieved another message from him. He said that i caused him too much scars in his heart. Then how about me ? You did it to me too. And another message saying that i was his " friend, nothing more nothing less. " i was thinking, he broken up with me. I started crying. I headed for the nearest stairs to cry. Cry it all out. But at that time, i did'nt have enough tears. 

But, he called me. We were talking, he didn't actually break with me. And finally he said, i love you. 

Yes. It's still there.

Yes, i'm still jealous.

I'm still jealous whenever you look at girls.
I'm still jealous whenever a girl who you like last time or a girl who likes you sms you
I'm still jealous whenever you talk about other girls
I still get jealous whenever you say that another girl is cute
I still get jealous whenever you mention your crushes last time, or girls who likes you.

Yes, i'm still jealous /:

BabyBoii.

Yes, you deserve me. 

Stop saying that i don't deserve you. 

It's quite useless actually, saying that. I love you, and NO ONE else. And you deserve me. 

Your the only guy i ever loved. Your the only guy who know what i've been through. Your the only guy who replaced someone else in my heart. I hope that i'm the only girl you ever truly loved. I hope i'm the girl who knows and understands what you've gone through. i hope i replaced someone else in you heart. 

I hope i made you change for the better.

Honestly.

Today was really fucked-up.

It started with him punching his parents. Honestly, i don't like people punching their parents.
I really get fucking pissed. I told him he should'nt have done that. Because it's just fucking wrong.
Then it lead to fight and tears. I cried in public. And nobody was there for me. I got no one to turn to. I just wanted to get of the bus and never returned. I wanted to see if they actually cared. Cause, at that time, i felt totally left out. He was talking to my friend, and i was just there listening. Like i was invisible or something. Like i didn't exist. A few days ago, i was like being disturb by my friend, he was spitting ice. And that time, i didn't got the mood to be disturb. And i was looking at my boyf if he notice at all and if he would do anything. But he didn't. Instead, he just continued talking to my friend. Like NOTHING actually happen.
I was totally sad, and i started to become like all quiet. I just kept drinking my iced passionfruit. I kept looking down, i did'nt want hi to look into my eyes, and i will start to cry.
Then, he started to act all emo. He said, he doesn't understand girls. Does he understand me ? Because i'm a girl. And he just wanted to give up. At that moment, my heart just avhe and tears just started to fall. I just ran away. I hid in the stairs, hoping someone will start looking for me. And when someone found me, he would see my cry and just stand there hugging my tight. But, unfortunately, i didn't happen. I just stood there, waiting. Waiting for someone to come and find me. But no one came. I went out, and i saw him and my friend walking away. Like they didn't notice that i was actually gone or that they didn't care at all. I wanted to walk another way, but my friend saw me. And on the bus, on the way to work. It was like he was fucking pissed at me. Because, i gave him too much problems. Yes, i'm always the one starting the problems. It's always my fault. I'm totally fucked-up. He was like totally angry at me, and my friend told me to apologise to him. Most of the times, i'm always the first one to apologize after every fight, followed by him. Because it's my fault. It's true, i'm the girl with issues, and i get jealous easily. I'm totally fucked-up. I'm the one who always give headaches. After saying sorry to him in the bus, we were okay. But, today, same thing happen again. But it was like kind of worse.
He kept ignoring me, and my friend and him we're messaging about me, something bad. And inside, i was just crying. I was crying in the inside. I was biting my teeth so hard because if not, i would have just broke down. My heart literally ached. It hurt. Then, when i received one of his sad messages, i totally broke down in the bus. I just wanted to runaway, runaway from all this. Nobody, cared. i think, nobody even saw me cry. Nobody heard my cry. I was all alone. Blasting music was helping trying to calm down. Blasting sad songs. My boyf then shifted to another seat, because he was angry, at me. He wanted to give up. He always say that. It always stabs my heart a couple of million times. I never got this heartbroken. I would always cry every night when reading your messages when we fight. It's how heartbreaking it is.